The crisis class

So, coming back to the scarry class after a too long brake. Looks like that soon most of the classes I take will be that I come ight aways from work. It's pretty what happened yesterday. Again. Absullutly affraid. We were only last night. The sisters from Haifa didn't come. We started to listen to music for a long while and take it for little pieces, make palmas and try to understand. Few times Neta stopped the music for the understanding part. And for we'll sing. After a while she asked why don't I sing too. Short answer: I'm too close to the windows. She looked a bit confused from this answer, but didn't try to make me. The nice one who wanted to make also a guajira said that this time she's only looking, she doesn't want to do a shawl or anything that she isn't used to, and maybe she will change her chosen palo to solea. It didn't take too long till she said she's in a crisis because of it and the fact she have too many things she wanna do in class and not sure how to make it togather. I said that I'm in a crisis too - every tuesday. Ilan tried to make some jokes half of the class, so it became "Orna, you're in a crisis too?", but I didn't have a chance to answer. Three of us were nervous and it was possible to feel and see it. And the fact the nice one saw a bit of Belén Maya and how great she for getting a little more not good enough. Neta said that Belén isn't a dancer to compare. This is all she do for years and every day (for hours), even Neta herself feels small near her although she's a wonderful dancer herself. Ilan saw how Belén works when she came last time to Israel. He was shocked from how easly all comes to her. The other one came to the course, but she said that she was so tierd from coming all the distance to Tel Aviv, till she missed the last day. And she bought tickets for both shows, really paid on it, but again - the distance made her so tierd and didn't come. And we started to dance, three of us. We repeated some stepd and each one needed to make a version that fit the chosen palo and the personality. All practiced and made our parts. Then again, almost. They made it and Neta wanted to move on. We didn't move on. Ilan reminded her that I didn't do my part yet. No, really, we don't have to do my part. Neta said that we won't give up for me. I did my thing. In the time after - Ilan started and Neta asked who's next. Ilan siad "Orna". Hey....! What Orna? While I complaned - I took out my fan to dance with. But i wasn't meant to take it out so fast. As a part of this work - I needed to start with the palmas. normal sitiuation I do understand the beat, but do it terrible in the palmas. Now I know that slowly I'm getting better. I came tierd and nervous, I was affraid,it was after a long brake and I know that I can't do the palmas perfect (in a gentle way to say it). Still this time Neta said it was almost... In one of the parts that we worked alone and practiced before showing the others - Neta asked me to look at the mirror while I dance. I said I'm too affraid to see myself dance. She said it isn't good. I have to look. The mirror is like an audions and I have to keep on a contact with the audionce. After that - one more brake. Ilan blamed me that I send him some things in facebook... I probably offered him a friendship with Rafael Amargo and can't remember. He said that it came with all the nude photos that Rafael uploaded to facebbok, so I'm here and the one who sent it. Neta is also a friends of Rafael in facebook and said she has a story about him. She knows another dancer from Israel who lives for years in Spain. That dancer told her that she talked with Rafael and he said he know about one more wonderful dancer from Israel and said her name. Neta said she's sure it's only through facebook. Then I didn't hold on and told the story about my photo with Rafael and my frind from Jeruswalem that we have from the meeting in Suzanne Dellal a long time ago. The funniest thing in my eyes was that conversation took a part in the day of the birthday of Rafael. And we got back to dance. Ilan started again. Than he "sent" the other one to dance after him. It looks like that solea comes to her more naturally than guajira, but she still needs some self confidence (look who's talking, ha?). Ok, my turn. Neta didn't wait to my palmas and started herself. I started to think when do I have a chance to ge in, but something sounded to me very weird. I couldn't say what is the problem (my brain stopped working). I just found myself look at Neta and don't know what to do. After a short while she said she's sorry. There was a problem - she still made palmas of solea. It has been changed. I wasn't on my best. Neta and Ilan started with jokes. It stayed very slow and they said that we all stayed in the solea groove and had some names for the guajira. And the class was over with the mix of the guajira/solea that I danced pretty bad